idhren:

fantasyboudicca:

sighinastorm:

lemonsharks:

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

(via sentimental-apathy)

pastelpinkcheeks:

freedominthedarkmp3:

One time this man approached me in a bar talking in Spanish. So I assumed he was Spanish and we started speaking, we had a whole ass conversation and at some point he was like. So what part of Spain are you from? And I said well I’m Italian actually. What part of Spain are you from? And he was like. I’m Greek.

One time I was in Argentina and I was so tired of trying to speak Spanish because I’m not very good at it lmao so I broke into exasperated English and the retail seller girl quickly understood me and engaged me in conversation. We talked for a while, she introduced me to a makeup brand, and then I decided to buy it. While she was packaging the purchase, she asked me if I were from the US or perhaps the UK and I just said “oh no I’m Brazilian hahah” and she looked me straight in the eyes and said, in clear Portuguese, “I’m Brazilian too”

(via thinnbone)

killorbekillian:

tiktoks-for-dead-pope:

Person in red shirt: If you never get married, it’s not premarital sex!

[crowd cheering]

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed-deacti)

jewperduper:

breadloco:

stopppp everyone absolutely needs to see this

So my dad was the assistant music editor on Tarzan, and idk if it was Bring Your Kid to Work Day or something but one day he did just that so there I was, this incredibly small 1st grader, in an absolutely cavernous recording studio with a full orchestra and a giant screen playing the scene they were taping the score for, and my little brain couldn’t handle the big music and the big movie happening all at once so I started crying and it was the first time music ever brought me to tears and it was too much to take in so we stepped out of the studio and ran directly into Phil Collins, who looked to me very much like my dad, and in my delicate emotional state I became immediately convinced that my dad had been copied and nobody had told me so I started crying harder, and Phil Collins said something that was probably meant to be calming but it was with a British accent so I thought there was a copy of my dad in every country and I absolutely lost it at the notion that other kids would get to have my dad, and my dad ended up having to carry me back to the car.

So.

Sorry for crying very loudly at you Phil Collins, your work on Tarzan was so moving it triggered my first emotional breakdown.

(via sorryidonthavehands)

solavillain:

bobcat-pie:

shabbytigers:

Their boyfriend proposes to them and the first thing they do is get the ring checked to see if the diamonds are real or not… toxic

Bruh it’s a crow 

(via bondsmagii)

impastawater:

gleefully-macabre:

mxnwtch:

queenofthearos:

moonenjoyer:

theyre so rude and in their mind theyre so nice for even talking to you at all

this gave me PHYSICAL PAIN

i didn’t realize that i repressed that memory but i absolutely did and it happened almost exactly like that

I only made it halfway through.

She creates more content like this on tiktok and they’re hilarious but it’s also so painful to watch. I even lowkey started to hate seeing her because of how accurate it is. But then I saw this comment in one of her videos and it really made me think

(via backwardsorbust)

azzandra:

tlirsgender:

tlirsgender:

tlirsgender:

I think it’d be fun if one of these days when the evil overlord type is like “I Need A Queen. To Rule With” one of the little henchmen is just like “um 😳 if I may, sir, I would like to volunteer 👉👈” and overlord is just like. Okay sure you’re cute aha

This is gay of course in case it wasn’t clear. I do support henchwomen in their career choices but we’re doing gay villains here

Or they could both be girls who knows. This trope is usually done with the Evil Man who proceeds to kidnap someone about it but we could have an overlady why not. Girlboss

Evil Overlady reading outdated Evil Overlord Instruction Manual from the Sexist Old Days: hmm, says here I need to acquire an Evil Queen to assist me in my Rule of Terror and General Administrative Duties. I must follow what the Manual says

Henchwoman who has been wearing increasingly risqué bustiers every passing day of her employment: umm. ma’am. 😳 I would like to apply for that position  👉👈

Evil Overlady: Excellent! This is why I hired you, because you are a Real Go-Getter

(via backwardsorbust)